PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

We often say that being happy and having inner peace is more important than anything and it is, but making ‘being happy’ your goal of life and pursuing that goal with everything you have can be detrimental and can work in quite an opposite way of what you have set out to achieve. What I mean to say is that pursuing happiness as a goal might make you unhappy or even worse, give you negative happiness. 

In today’s article I am going to discuss how to not get negative happiness, how pursuing happiness as a goal has detrimental effects and how to be truly happy.

POSITIVE HAPPINESS AND NEGATIVE HAPPINESS

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL 

Often when we dream about being happy, we relate that happiness to some materialistic or some monetary stuff like getting a new bike or a luxurious car like you friend has, getting a house bigger than your colleague, getting promotion in a job or getting top rank in an exam. If you look closely, you will find out that all of the issues which I have named just now is relational that means what you think will bring you happiness is dependent on what other people around you have. Making your happiness all about what others think and what others have instead of making it about yourself is negative happiness. Because being happy isn’t a competition you can win in by performing better than your competitors. That’s not the true definition of happiness and happiness isn’t something that you need to compete for. Your happiness should always depend on you and when it doesn’t then it can never be true happiness and can’t be permanent. 

SOCIETY’S CONCEPT OF HAPPINESS 

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

Why do we relate our happiness with materialistic things and achieving things better than people around us have? Only because, we have been taught to think like that. In school, parents of average ranking kids often scold their child for ranking lower than most of the students. I have even heard parents of 2nd ranked student being envious of parents of 1st ranked student. So, you see, their happiness doesn’t revolve around their own kid’s score, their happiness is based on how their kid has scored when compared with other students.

Not only this, it’s a common myth that if a person looks good, has studied in a top ranked Engineering, Medical, or Law college, is earning well, at least better than what others from same social circle are earning, have got married at the age society considers appropriate then that person is really happy and our elders present that person as an example for younger generation. He/She is the mark younger generation should strive for.

Slowly we also mold our thinking process to suit society’s concept of happiness because otherwise others won’t realize that we are happy and that is why we base our happiness in relation to others. But what will happen if people you have just competed with and have won in your ‘pursuit of happiness’ achieves even more than you tomorrow? You will either be unhappy or start the competition again. That’s why I said that if your happiness revolves around others and what others have instead of you and what you really want then your happiness can never be permanent. 

SHOWING OFF YOU ARE HAPPY IS DIFFERENT THAN BEING HAPPY

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

Social Media is the main contributor of people trying to show off that they are happy instead of trying to be happy in real. It’s another way we have associated our happiness with others’ concept of happiness. We see our friends posting photos of their trips, their restaurant visits or the beautiful moments of their lives and we feel that true happiness is in what those people are doing. And again, we start the race of trying to out-best others. 

But we should remember that what we are feeling after having out-bested someone isn’t positive happiness. It’s another example of negative happiness and won’t stay with you in a long run. 

MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS ABOUT YOURSELF

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL 

It often happens that we take others’ criticism seriously, whether it’s on how we are looking or on whether they think we are successful and we do our best to prove them wrong. But while doing it we forget that others and us have lived different lives, we have different attitude towards world so why will our definition of happiness be same? It won’t be. And if you continue pursuing happiness in others’ terms then you won’t be happy. 

So, I would suggest you to find your own definition of happiness rather than following others’ definitions. Try to look good only if you think it boosts your confidence and makes you happy. Do Engineering or Medical only if you want to learn these things. Do your best to get the promotion but only if you want to and if you really think that higher position and more money will make you happy not because others have it so you should have better nor because if you achieve these things then others will think that you are happy.

DISCOVER YOURSELF

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

The most important step toward finding true happiness is to find yourself. Try to find what you really want to do, how you really want to live, and what kind of person do you want to be. Only when you will find the answers to these questions can you find what happiness means to you. Find your own thinking process rather than following the mass opinion. 

You can take the help of books, movies, our blog to discover yourself and create your definition of happiness.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

When we pursue happiness as a goal we forget to live in the moment. We give most of our time to achieve what we think will bring us happiness and think that we will be happy once we have achieved what we have set out to achieve but we should remember that happiness is a feeling that we should feel most of the time not only on the moments when we have achieved something. Pursuing happiness as the end goal makes you feel that time is scarce and you try to run faster behind happiness rather than trying to find happiness in present. Learn to savor every moment and every experience. 

LEARN TO NOT SEE HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

Often, we forget to enjoy the gifts we have been given and instead of taking a moment to enjoy them and be happy with them we continue to see happiness as an end goal. This is another reason why happiness is a bad goal. We should try to not see happiness in only our success and try to find it in the experiences we have had and we are having. Our happiness should be in the process of doing what we are doing and the result of the process should be icing on the cake not the cake. For example, photographers should click pictures because they like to capture moments and memories, writers should write because they love story-telling, Doctors should practice medicine because they like to save lives and help others not because they like the money and appreciation their profession bring. I admit that money and appreciation is an added bonus but that’s only what it should be – a bonus, not the whole basis of happiness.

Because if you continue to see happiness only in the results of your efforts then you will be unhappy while you are making the effort. And even after you have achieved what you had set-out to achieve, rather than enjoying your happiness in leisure you will again start your new pursuit of happiness.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE HAPPINESS

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

In recent years, there have been many books, movies, and blogs which put emphasis on happiness of every individual. According to them feeling of happiness helps us stay motivated which leads to being more productive which then leads to even more happiness. All this is possible only when we know what truly makes us happy. But, as I said in the beginning that pursuing happiness as a goal might give you negative happiness and negative happiness brings negative, instead of positive, effects on an individual’s life. 

Whenever we associate our happiness with materialistic things or out-besting others, we are promoting the ideology that people who are having financial difficulties don’t have right to be happy or they are somehow inferior to us. Thought process like this is wrong and makes us prideful and gives us superiority complex which eventually promote social ranking system. 

I am not suggesting that money can’t make us happy. What I am saying is that you should only pursuit money and associate your happiness with money if you want it not because others have it or because you want others to think that you are happy. 

CONCLUDING SECTION

PURSUING HAPPINESS AS THE END GOAL

My intention here is not to judge anyone, I am just suggesting you to find happiness in what truly makes you happy and you can only do that if you learn to not associate your happiness with others. After all, true happiness is in being the best version of yourself and following what you think is best for you. If you do what you really like to do and find your happiness in the process and not in the results then happiness will stay with you as a good friend instead of being a distant relative who only visit once a year.